Getting out from the front door, piece of cake?

I really admire strong and confident woman and specially trans people who are so sure about by them self's. There is nothing more sexier than confident woman. Unfortunately i am not one of those girls, when i am on guy-mode i don't have any issues leaving from front door, but immediately when i put the girl-mode on my self-esteem vanish away. I would like to show the world who i am and be proud of it but this is not a piece of cake for me. I always look myself in the mirror before trying to leave from the front door and i always find something that i am not happy with and if it's really hard day i just think "You look like man in a dress, you can't go out". Then normally i give up to this thought and don't leave from the house, i know it's a stupid thing to do but i don't want to force myself something that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes everything goes so well, that i basically leave from front door and go example mall or grocery store without any problems. I have been trying to figure out the formula of success and failure but unfortunately i don't have the answer. What i have noticed is that give yourself time if wan't to go or do something, so plan loose schedule. Don't try too hard or try new things especially with make-up just before you are leaving from the house, trust me been there done that. Choose clothes that fit you and suits your body, i have tried to be too sexy and put clothes on that doesn't really fit me and it's not pretty trust me. If you are not sure about yourself other people will notice it and you stand out from the other people in negative way. But when you are sure what and who you are, you will notice the difference when you face other people and you can really start enjoying be you.

When i go out i just think that i represent whole trans community for the people around me and everybody who has the courage to be who they really are is doing very big favor to other trans people. Only way society start being more gentle and accept us better is go out and face the people. This is how i really feel but don't get me wrong, saying things and doing things are totally different thing even for me who has been out and public at least two hundred times. I am still struggling almost every time i go out, but i wan't to believe that, someday i will be that strong and confident woman who turns heads in positive way. Don't fear for failure, it's a part of the growing process to be who you really wan't to be.

Remember to enjoy your life and have fun!

Happy pride month, be proud and show the world how beautiful you are!

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