Introduction
It's a really big deal to come out as transgender. You're about to tell someone who you thought was your partner that you are in fact, not just attracted to them but also identify as female. It's a huge step and one that can be difficult for anyone faced with this kind of news. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources online that can help relieve some of the pressure and make coming out easier for both parties involved. Here are some tips for making sure this transition goes smoothly:
Give yourself time to prepare.
The first step to coming out is preparing yourself. There are a lot of things that can go wrong when you decide to share your gender identity with other people, so knowing what to expect and how best to prepare yourself will help ensure that everything goes smoothly.
Think about what kind of support you want from your partner and their family. Do they already know? How did they react when they found out? What are their plans for supporting you after the fact (e.g., therapy sessions)? If there are any conflicts between themselves and the rest of your family on this subject, be sure to address them before sharing anything else with them—it may be better if both parties come together or at least communicate before initiating contact with others outside their immediate circle.*
If there's not much time left until one person comes out as transgender without having told anyone else first (an option some trans people choose), consider telling just one person at first—perhaps someone who already knows about how well-adjusted trans people tend
to be overall; maybe even someone who doesn't yet know but might find out soon enough anyway! This way all parties involved know exactly where each other stands when it comes down
Don't come out if you're not ready.
If you're not ready, don't come out.
If you don't know what the future holds and your relationship is just getting started, it may be better to keep things quiet for now. The same goes if there's a chance that coming out could cause problems in your relationship—like losing trust or feeling like your partner doesn't want to be with someone who's transgender. Coming out can also be hard on your mental health and emotional well-being; it may make surviving as trans feel impossible at times (even if everything works out).
If all of this sounds like something that would make sense for YOU and YOUR SELF DESIRE TO DO SO BEFORE TALKING WITH YOUR PARTNER ABOUT IT THEN STOP READING NOW AND IMMEDIATELY GO MAKE SOME SOUP! Seriously though...if all these factors apply then maybe consider holding off on coming out until later down the road when things seem calmer?
Rehearse what you'll say and how you'll say it.
Rehearse what you'll say and how you'll say it.
It's important to think about how you want to come out, because this is a big thing for both of you. You might want to tell them in person or over the phone—or maybe not at all. It's also important to consider how likely your partner will react well if they find out that way. If someone says "I don't care," or if they get angry or upset, then simply being honest can be hard enough as it is without adding extra pressure from yourself!
Think about the pros and cons of coming out to your partner.
Now that you've decided to come out to your partner, it's important to consider the pros and cons of doing so. There are many different ways in which people may react when they find out their partner is transgender. Some of these reactions are positive, while others can be negative or even abusive—but remember that everyone has their own unique experience with coming out, so no matter what happens next, there will always be people who understand your situation better than anyone else does at this point in time.
There are also some things about yourself as well as about your relationship with your partner that will probably change over time (you may need more time alone now than before). For example:
Communication skills: For example, if communication has been difficult between both parties due to some conflictual issues such as trust issues then coming out could lead into further problems in terms of communication because now there'll be another person involved who could potentially bring up past experiences again either on purpose or unintentionally causing conflict within both partners future relationships too! This means that while being transgender might make someone feel good inside themselves knowing they're finally accepted by society then sadly unfortunately doesn't guarantee happiness forever...
Come out somewhere safe, private and comfortable for both of you.
If you feel comfortable, it's important to come out at a time and place where both of you can feel safe. This may be in person or over the phone. You should also make sure that your partner knows how much they mean to you by coming out as transgender before telling them this information. This way, they'll know that their feelings are valid and will be able to understand what it means for both of you if things don't work out between the two of you after coming out together (or even just one person).
It's also important that both parties have support from friends and loved ones who accept them for who they are—even if those people aren't close by at all times—because having people who love each other no matter what helps build trust between partners when dealing with potential conflicts later on down the line!
Stick to the facts.
Stick to the facts.
Avoid making assumptions about their reaction. Some people will be happy for you, some won't care or even see it as a big deal, and some may even want to talk about it more than you do (and that's totally fine). There's no need to assume anything! The best thing you can do is just be honest with them and let them know what's up so they can process it themselves—they'll probably have questions when they first hear it, but if you give them time and space away from each other, those questions won't come up right away anyway because there are so many other things going through both of your heads right now that aren't related directly back-and-forth between one another (like "How did I get here?").
Don't feel obligated to educate them about trans issues.
It's important to remember that your partner might already know a lot about trans issues, and they may not want to hear any more information than they already do. You don't have to be an expert on trans issues; you just need their support and love.
If you do want to educate them about your transition, there are plenty of resources available online for people who want or need more information about gender identity, including:
Trans 101 by GLAAD (a resource from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation)
The Transgender Glossary (from the National Center for Transgender Equality)
It doesn't have to be perfect.
You will make mistakes. No one is perfect, and everyone has their own learning curve. Everyone learns at their own pace and makes mistakes along the way as they learn new things. If you are transgender, your process may be different from someone who identifies as straight or gay—but your partner should still support you in whatever way they can while being supportive themselves!
Make sure you are as prepared as possible when you come out to your partner, but remember that perfection is not required and everyone has their own learning curve when it comes to understanding gender identity
When you come out to your partner, there is a lot of preparation that needs to be done. You need to make sure that you are comfortable with them and can communicate with them about what is going on in your life. If something happens or if it seems like things are going downhill between the two of you after this conversation, then perhaps it was not the best idea for both of you to have this discussion at all.
Be prepared for questions from your partner after hearing about their own gender identity issues:
Do they understand?
Are they supportive?
Will they stay together after knowing this information about me (and my past)?
Conclusion
We hope this article has helped you come out to your partner in a way that's meaningful for both of you. If it's too soon or if you're nervous about it, remember that there's no wrong way to do this! Just be sure that you have been thinking about these things long enough and talk through them with your partner before making any big decisions. It may take some time for both of us to process everything so just let us know when our next date night is going to be :)
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