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F*cking dyspforia



Sorry about the F-word in the topic, but that how it feels when it hits me. If i try to describe my feelings when dysphoria hits me to Cis person they just don't get it. First words are it gets better by time or try to think something else. When i try to explain to that only way to get trough this is that i am able to express myself and feel myself pretty. My wife understands me almost 100% at time but other people just think that it is my choice that i want to feel myself pretty woman when i wan't to. 

Some reason when dysphoria hits me it's messing my whole life upside down, i just can't think anything else. Imagine yourself in example middle of really important meeting and you are not able to focus that, you are just thinking what dysphoria brings your mind and when this is going to end. I am lucky that i am always able to focus on my work 100% even in middle of dysphoria attack. It's feels so unfair when somebody comes to tell you that you have chosen this path yourself. 

When i started my journey as transgender i hated this feeling so much that i would give big stack of money if somebody just take this feeling away from me. Worst thing is that you can not schedule when it hits you, dysphoria has own schedule. It not even give any kind of hint upfront, so you can't really prepare yourself. 

What helps me when dysphoria hits me?

Getting touch somehow to my feminine side, it can be get my nails done or shaping my eyebrows. Of course get fully on girl-mode, i didn't want to put this in first because there are times that i am not able to go fully on girl-mode. None of these still are not the magic buttons which make dysphoria disappear, but yes they can be help you. Even when i am fully on girl-mode dysphoria makes me so nervous and loose my whole self-esteem, example i have my favorite dress which makes me always feel pretty and confident but when you are middle of the dysphoria storm it that same dress looks awful and you look like dude in dress. Then i just have to choose something from the wardrobe that makes me feel that i look good and confident but don't give up on this point otherwise dysphoria will hit you even harder. 

Also try to do things that you love to do and try to think positively. I have managed to decrease the dysphoria attack time for these things. But remember we all are different and something that works me might not work for you. Get know yourself and listen to yourself, your brain and body will tell you what is best for you.  

If it gets really bad get professional help! I was stupid one time and acted brave, that almost got me to do really bad things for myself.    


What works for you when dysphoria hits you? Share it on comments!


Remember to love yourself, just the way you are!

 


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